Thank you for coming here today and welcome, please call me Fiona.
I’m a late 40’s heterosexual male living in the Southern United States, although I was not born here in the US. I moved here to marry my US bride and we have been happily married for over 20 yrs with one child in high school.
I work for a well-known nationwide company. I count my blessings every day & life is good. Really, I have nothing to complain about. We have our health, a great child, a mortgage, a couple of cars and well-paying careers and a great family network of in-laws. While I don’t see my side of the family anywhere as often as we would like; they are few in number and have supported me in moving to the US all those years ago & continue to do so.
I have few real friends locally… who am I kidding, I have none! All my dear friends are across the pond in the UK. I only wish they were closer. The cost of airfare and taking time off from work (when you only get 21 days’ vacation a year) does not help.
So as a bit of a loner; I have struggled with, and continue to do so with depression. My doctor helped by prescribing some meds, but I didn’t think they helped me and I put on some (more) weight. After 2 ½ years, I come off the meds, but I still struggle with an super overactive mind, and my wife and daughter now say they have to walk on eggshells around me as I can be a bit snappy; which I am aware is really a major understatement.
The main issue that over the last few years that has really come to the forefront is that deep down inside I feel; no, I know I should have been born female.
This sounds so silly, stupid as I sit here typing and reading this back. I must really be a few cards short of a deck right? Well, it turns out, through research (other than Google) and self-diagnosis, that there is a clinical term for this, known as Gender Dysphoria.
There are thousands each year that are born male or female but at some stage in life identify as the opposite sex, or even neither.
Of the many suffering with gender dysphoria, most that will transition in some form from male to female or vice-versa, do so usually in their teens to their late ’20s or ’30s. There are fewer still that do so in their mid to late 40’s or even older, and that is where I find myself today.
I have suppressed these internal feeling’s my entire life, but recently it is becoming harder & harder to do so. Partly as I do a lot of research into this, which I suppose keeps it front & center in my mind. In addition, that gender dysphoria has caused several experiences I went through over the years to fall rather neatly into place like a missing jigsaw piece.
With one exception, (I will explain another day) no one in my life knows of my hidden internal struggle!
I am hoping that this blog will serve as a kind of self-help therapy, by being able to vocalize my feelings, frustrations or other matters out in the “open.” Well kinda sorta in the open at least.
I hope this post will be the first of many in my journey.
If you have read this far, consider sticking around for future posts.
Feel free to add your comments or message me; I will do my best to respond.
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